“Until we understand the real differences in what compels our behavior, especially under stress, we'll keep bringing out the worst in each other. And never experience the real beauty of both men and women.” – Alison Armstrong

Wellness Force Radio Episode 364

Author, Educator, Founder of PAX Programs, and Creator of the widely acclaimed Understanding Men and Understanding Women transformational online series, Alison Armstrong, unpacks the core differences between women and men, explains The Tunnel concept that we sometimes face on our way to self-actualization, what the hunting-operating mode actually is and why women can find it confusing plus what sex actually means for men and women on both biological and psychological levels.

How can we love one another more? How can we give each other the space, emotional bandwidth, and really just the special care that all of us deserve as men and women?
By the end of this podcast, men and women will be able to understand both themselves and one another better.
“Ninety-nine percent of the confusion and frustration between men and women is because we assume we’re versions of each other.' - Alison Armstrong of @PaxProgramsIncClick To Tweet


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Listen To Episode 364 As Alison Armstrong Uncovers:

 

[1:30] The Core Difference Between Men & Women

  • ION*Biome
  • PAX Programs
  • Alison Armstrong
  • Understanding Men
  • Understanding Women
  • The Queen's Code
  • Keys to the Kingdom
  • Never Be Ignored by a Man Again
  • Unpacking the core, fundamental difference between men and women including how we lovingly (or unlovingly) trigger each other.
  • Why women search for the answer to know how they can get a man to do something or to stop doing something.
  • The importance of getting curious about why a person does or doesn't do something in the first place.
  • Topics that come up a lot during Josh's Men's Group including specifically conflict and the ego.
  • Our understanding of identity and how it can flex depending on the scenarios we experience every day.
  • Why we all have an identity that is associated with our gender and ethnicity.
  • What women think it means to be a woman and why it's so layered for them.
  • Exploring the ancient instincts we have installed within the body.

[17:00] Unpacking The Instincts We Already Have Embodied

  • Exploring the instincts that have been passed down to us for generations that makes us who we are.
  • Why hormones literally shape our perception.
  • Breaking down why we cannot embody love if we do not embody our highest values first.
  • Why women think that men are doing everything from a position of power, that they have that power, and that they are abusing that power.
  • What women don't realize about men and how much they affect them and how much a man will do to make them happy.
  • Her advice to men: 95% of a woman being happy is up to her, it's not up to you.
  • Why women don't realize that there's actually so much that men do for them.

[22:00] The Hunting-Operating Mode

  • Exploring the misunderstanding of the hunting-operating mode and what it's actually all about.
  • Why men and women both take things so personally from their relationships with one another.
  • The different eras of male-female relationships that she has lived through as well as studied.
  • Unpacking the eras of male-female relationships: emotionally unavailable, unhealthy, and narcissism.
  • Why neither person in a relationship can provide for the other when they are being attacked or have to protect.
  • The protect mode that men are in right now during COVID-19 as they seek to keep their loved ones safe.
  • Why she became interested in studying men: to find out why she kept bringing out the worst in them which turned out to be by attacking them.
  • The experience she had as a teenager that she would label as date-rape.
  • Her mission to keep men off-balance as much as possible through her intellect, humor, or sexuality so that they could not attack her.
  • Lessons that she had to learn on her own about men including that there is an innocence about them.

[29:00] What Sex Means For Women & Men

  • Different points of view from both genders on sex including their biological and psychological experiences.
  • The impact that a pregnancy can have on a woman compared to a man.
  • One of the exercises on how women and men view the safety that they provide in her Understanding Women course.
  • Comparing the differences in strength between a man and a woman.
  • What men and women can both learn from each other instead of making automatic judgments.

[31:00] What If You Can't Actually Damage a Human?

  • Her mission from a spirit-centered place to help people reach a healthy place of higher-level emotions on the Emotional Ladder.
  • The search to figure out what the mechanism in a human being is that causes us to feel hurt, experience being disrespected, and create all of the conclusions about ourselves and others.
  • Why she began questioning whether or not humans can actually be “damaged.”
  • What steps we can take to channel, release, and restore our integrity and dignity.
  • How estrogen and testosterone hormones impact our ability to hear and interpret tones of voice.
  • Different ways women say, ‘No,' without ever actually saying the word.
  • The call she felt to help heal the world as a follower of God's work.

[39:30] The Road To Self-Actualization

  • Her first experience at 19 participating in Actualizations with Stewart Emery.
  • Actualizations by Stewart Emery
  • What it was like for her to lead groups and create programs as young as 20 years of age.
  • The positive impact that happened because she was not seen as “a type of person” but noticed for her growth and potential at work.
  • Unpacking the exercise, An Impossible Promise, that will help you have an extraordinary life.
  • Why avoiding failure is one of the most potent and destructive human instincts that we have.

[46:00] The Ability To Dwell In Love

  • Why the potency of one's will is determined by the degree in which you dwell in love.
  • Her commitment to letting go of everything that isn't love and why it's one of the most horrible commitments as there is something from arrogance to greed to anger to fear that she experiences.
  • How you can dwell in love by embracing the love you have for other people and the love other people have for you.
  • Exploring how much better we can feel after taking care of ourselves whether that's nutrition, movement, expressing positive emotions or meditation.
  • Why the brain is built to scan for threats and not filter anything out so that we don't miss something.
  • How the testosterone hormone, which can be built with good rest, can help give us a greater sense of wellbeing.

[57:00] What Would Make It Worth It?

  • How the male brain changes throughout their life cycle including the rewiring during their 50s and 60s.
  • The identity struggles men go through as they age and begin to decrease their testosterone levels.
  • One of the biggest differences between men and women: what they consider “worth it” during their lifetimes.
  • How to change your mindset on something by not asking, “Is it worth it?” to “What would make it worth it?”
  • Flipping the script on other questions for women and asking yourself, “How does he love me?” instead of “Does he love me?”

[1:02:00] Exploring ‘The Tunnel' & Finding One's Purpose Again

  • Exploring ‘The Tunnel' in the men's Stages of Development: How a man will know if he is in the tunnel and how his partner can support him.
  • Amazing Development of Men 2nd Edition
  • Why The Tunnel is something that we all go through in life on our way to self-actualization.
  • What words of wisdom she would give to someone whose mission and purpose are clear but they don't give him the same feeling of reward anymore.
  • Why we find it so hard to let go of negative emotions when we're experiencing them but welcoming them instead of pushing can change all of that.
  • What people who have gone through or are going through The Tunnel can teach us about life and love.
  • How letting go of what was and what might be can help us focus on the present moment.
  • What lessons she was gifted with when her husband, Greg, passed away.

[1:18:00] A Date With Destiny

Power Quotes From The Show

“A person's will is enabled, strengthened, by love. The greater their ability to dwell in love, the more potent their will.” - Alison Armstrong of @PaxProgramsIncClick To Tweet

What Women Don't Know About Men

“Women assume that men are doing everything from a position of power and that they're abusing that power. But women don't know how much men experience being at the effect of us, how much men actually do for us, and how much a man will do to make a woman happy. A man is miserable if he can't make a woman happy. If she's not happy, then he thinks that he's not good enough and he takes it extremely personally. Men need to realize that 95% of a woman being happy is up to her; it's not up to them.” – Alison Armstrong

The Hierarchy Of Male Instincts

“I have lived through many eras as a woman and having studied men. I have witnessed the era of 'emotionally unavailable men,' ‘unhealthy men,' and now we're in the era of narcissists. But we have to hold up now; narcissism is what you get accused of when you have all of your attention on yourself and you don't care about providing for others but that can also be explained by a hierarchy of instincts which goes procreate, protect, and then provide. Neither can a man or woman provide when they experience being under attack nor when they think they have to protect. So in 2020, men are having a difficult time providing for women because they're in protect mode with the threat of COVID-19, our economy, and our wellbeing. If a man is not providing, I tell women, ‘Just look around; what is he protecting you from? What is the threat he perceives and what is he protecting you from?” – Alison Armstrong

How We Can Win In Love

“I'm always teaching women, instead of asking, ‘Does he love me?' ask ‘How does he love me?' Instead of asking, ‘Does he support me?' ask ‘How does he support me?' You will live a completely different life if you're looking for how the thing you want is happening instead of checking off ‘Yes' or ‘No.' If we're looking for ‘How' then we can see it in a rainbow of expressions instead of ‘Does he or doesn't he?' and it also allows us to build on something in the relationship, create awareness for what we love about each other, and let them know how else they can love us in different ways.” – Alison Armstrong

Links From Today's Show 

About Alison Armstrong

Alison Armstrong: Understanding Men, Women, & Self ActualizationAlison Armstrong, author, educator, and creator of the widely acclaimed “Understanding Men” and “Understanding Women” transformational online series, asks the question: “What if no one is misbehaving — including you?”

She explores the good reasons behind the behavior of men and women such as fundamental differences in the ways we think, act and communicate. She offers simple, partnership-based, solutions to improve our communication and intimacy by honoring ourselves and others. She's known for her insight, sense of humor and ability to articulate the human experience and predicament of gender.

Alison Armstrong's Mission

Alison Armstrong is a best-selling author, sought after speaker, and a master thought leader. She's the founder of PAX Programs, a mission-driven company passionate about transforming the way men and women relate to themselves and each other and the ultimate source for understanding men and women.

 


Men & the “Worth It” Equation with Alison Armstrong


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