“The quality of our sex life is a direct reflection of our internal health.”– Bob Schwenkler
Since joining forces as a power couple in 2015, Natalie and Bob have been the secret sexual weapon for successful men from all walks of life. They’ve helped many people from former Army Sniper Instructors, Online Marketing Experts, to Corporate Airline Pilots from across 3 continents unlock the next level of joy and confidence in their sex lives and relationships.
Meeting someone new and beginning a romantic relationship with them can create one of the most exhilarating feelings that you will experience during your lifetime. However, your emotional wellness plays a huge part in not only your health and fitness, but also your sex life. Past relationships and experiences can really effect new relationships, who you are, and who you want to become.
Each time you begin a new relationship with someone, it's important to address anything that's going on with yourself.
If you're emotionally unsteady because you have bottled up feelings of anger, sadness, and trauma on the inside, not only will it show up in your daily fitness and wellness health, but in your personal relationships and sex life as well.
To have a healthy sex life, you need to be healthy on the inside by addressing any hidden issues or baggage that you may be carrying with you.
How to Recognize and Share Your Personal Feelings
In a relationship, it's important to recognize how you feel and not to ignore those feelings. Ask yourself, what do you want in a relationship? What do you want for your sex life? What do you want for your career and the rest of your life?
For you to be able to recognize your feelings and open up to your partner about your wants and desires, you should first become intimate with yourself. You can do this by giving yourself self-care and self-love.
Begin by slowing down and taking a moment to understand what is going on with you. Try to be in the present and recognize what emotions you're feeling right now. Come back to yourself and be honest with what you want and need.
Learn To Understand Your Partner's Love Language
When you understand yourself better, you can learn to listen to your partner better as well. However, miscommunication or no communication can still happen throughout a relationship. Fortunately, coaches like Natalie and Bob can help you can fix that by using strategies and tools to help open up and improve communication with your partner.
These communication tools can help you both to understand each other's love language, what your desires are, and how you can recreate something in your relationship.
To understand your partner's love language, it may mean unpacking any baggage and talking about issues that you haven't even discussed about in the past.
How to Get Out Of A Shame Spiral
Something that can keep us back from having a fulfilling relationship and sex life is the shame that we feel for ourselves. This shame spiral can happen to us when we don't feel good in our own bodies or the person that we are.
If you're feeling shameful, it could be happening because you're in a constant pattern of avoidance. This pattern occurs when we're stuck in an unhealthy routine that doesn't allow us to find out what's really going on with ourselves.
This pattern of avoidance could include having lots of unfulfilling sex, drinking, working a lot, spending time on social media, or even just rational thinking. Rational thinking mode is a thought addiction and surprisingly enough, over-thinking will keep you from having connected, fulfilling relationships.
To have a better sex life, you should look deep inside yourself and have an internal inquiry. Ask yourself what's holding you back from having great sex and even other experiences such as an amazing life or career?
To help you truly escape this shame spiral and begin having fulfilling relationships and great sex, reach out to sources of support and help if you must do so.
Don't Be Afraid To Reach Out For Help
If you're struggling with your emotions and your shame spiral is keeping you from connecting with your partner, don't be afraid to reach out for help.
Because we're only human, we can't take this journey all by ourselves. Talk to close friends about what you're going through and maybe they've been through the same obstacles. Ask someone to be your accountability partner to help hold you responsible for the goals that you want to accomplish.
Spend time with like-minded people in person or virtually online with different communities. Seek professional help by reaching out to therapy groups such as the ManKind Project or life coaches like Natalie and Bob. They can give you the support, strategy, and the tools that you need to help you live a fulfilling sex life with your partner.
“Do the thing and you'll have the power.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson
More About Natalie Vartanian
For the past 6 years Natalie Vartanian has worked with women from across 5 continents to help them get the sex lives and relationships they want.
As a featured writer on Elephant Journal and Good Men Project her love and relationship blog posts have gone viral to gain tens of thousands of shares.
She is the creator of The Virtual Love Course and has helped hundreds of single women believe in love again and effortlessly attract the partner of their dreams.
More About Bob Schwenkler
As The Coach for High Achieving Sensitive Men Bob Schwenkler helps men access more love, power, and freedom in every area of their lives.
His writing has been featured on sites such as The Huffington Post, Elephant Journal, and the Good Men Project.
He is the creator of Advanced Sexual Stamina for Men, leads internationally based men’s retreats as a Sex and Intimacy Expert, and has worked privately with clients from the US, Europe, and Australia.
What You'll Hear On The Show
0:00 Wellness Force Opening with Josh
2:05 Introduction to Natalie Vartanian and Bob Schwenkler
6:00 What do women truly want in a relationship?
7:05 What do men truly want in a relationship?
8:20 What is Natalie and Bob? What are you all about?
8:40 What led you both towards becoming relationship coaches?
11:40 What is the link between wellness and a healthy sex life?
13:00 How did your professional relationship change after your personal, romantic relationship break up?
15:40 What happens when you have different commitments for your work instead of your relationship? What does that mean for your intimacy levels in a relationship?
17:40 Question for Natalie: Any stories of success with clients who have broken through the limitations of intimacy and self love/care?
19:50 Question for Bob: Do you have a client with a success story that has really made you proud of them?
22:25 Question for Natalie: What is it like for you to help couples rekindle their intimacy and passion?
24:00 How can a man create intimacy within himself?
25:00 How do I get more intimate with myself before beginning a new relationship?
26:50 How does a woman (whether in a relationship or not) get in touch with herself and her intimacy.
29:00 As a relationship coach, has there been anything that you've done to help you create healthy boundaries so that you can focus on self-care? What are your tips for women and men?
31:00 How can males create healthy boundaries and focus on self-care?
32:50 What holds people back from being sexually fulfilled?
35:45 What makes men not feel sexually confident?
37:20 How do we recognize “shame” and how can we push through a shame spiral?
41:10 What is biologically different about men and women as far as their wants and desires?
43:35 What can do from a creation/solution standpoint for someone like a mom who wants to create more intimacy in her life.
46:05 Why don't people ask others for what they want in a relationship?
47:55 What can men do to break through their fear of intimacy?
52:30 7 Fast for 7 Questions
59:30 Wellness Force Episode Closing with Josh
Resources Mentioned In The Show
- Natalie and Bob's website
- Natalie's website
- Bob's website
- Sex The Podcast
- Sexually Confident Men: Private Coaching for Men
- Wellness Force Episode 55: Love Vs. Fear: Body Intelligence with Katie & Gay Hendricks
- Wellness Force Episode 46: Dr. John Gray: ADHD, Brain Health, & Sex Addiction
- The ManKind Project
- Think and Grow Rich by Napolean Hill
- John Wineland: Relationship Salon
Listen To Natalie and Bob Share
- How to address your emotions.
- What to do if you feel shameful.
- How to address the baggage that you'll bring to a new relationship.
- How to create open communication with your partner.
- What men and women want in a relationship.
- How men and women approach intimacy and sex.
- How to become intimate with yourself through self care and love.
- Why it's good to seek support to improve your sex life.
- What is a pattern of avoidance and how to stop it.
- How to understand your partner's love language.
Rate & Review Wellness Force
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You read all the way to the bottom? That's what I call love! I do the same thing for the people, things, and movements I care about as well.
PS: Looks like you and I share the same passion. I'm grateful for you and want to extend you my email address.
Write to me and let me know what you'd like to have to get more wellness in your life!
About The Author, Lauren Bryant, Podcast Production
Lauren Bryant is the Podcasting Assistant and Show Notes Writer for Wellness Force Radio. She has a BBA in both Marketing and Spanish for Business as well as certificates in Advanced Business Communications and International Business from the University of Wisconsin- Eau Claire.
Lauren’s wellness journey began at a young age when she joined her local YMCA swim team, The Wave, of La Crosse, WI. One of the most profound views on wellness that anyone has said to her was when she was an assistant swim coach for that same YMCA swim team.
One day during a practice, former head swim coach, Jon Brenner, shared with her that the most important thing about coaching the swimmers was that “It doesn’t matter if they become the best athletes in the world. What’s important is that we give them the tools and guidance they need to live a healthy, active lifestyle for the rest of their lives.”
Since hearing those words, she has taken it to heart to not only focus on continuously living her own healthy lifestyle, but to help others pursue their wellness goals as well.
Lauren is not only an avid swimmer, but a fan of running, yoga, cooking, and doing any activity outside that involves being surrounded by nature. In the Fall of 2014, she completed a long-awaited goal of walking the Camino de Santiago in Spain.
According to Lauren, wellness is about finding gratitude and joy in doing any type of physical or self-care activity that we love. Wellness means providing ourselves with self-love, good nutrition, and the inner peace that our individual minds and bodies need.