Wellness + Wisdom | Episode 610
How can you and your partner become a team and make your differences complement each other?
Adam Lane Smith, Attachment Specialist, joins Josh Trent on the Wellness + Wisdom Podcast, episode 610, to share how attachment styles are formed in your early childhood, why men and women are designed to work as a team, and how love transforms your life.
“Male and female brains are designed to work together as a system. They must or everything falls apart. They're not meant to work individually. Men go forward and build and expand. Women follow afterward and they fill the space that men have built. They're the ones that make the structures that men create so much richer and better, but they rely upon men to build those structures in the first place to build safety and prioritize that as men push outward.” – Adam Lane Smith
50% Off The Attachment Bootcamp Course
The Attachment Bootcamp video course is a proven and reliable system anyone can use to go from insecure and lonely to secure relationships that make you feel safe and loved.
This course will show you how to:
• Address attachment issues at their core
• Overcome your fears of rejection, abandonment, and vulnerability
• Learn to respect yourself
• Repel toxic people
• Attract loving friends and partners
• Create trusting bonds with your loved ones
• Build relationships based on mutual fulfillment
• Stop worrying about what others think of you
This is your chance to build trust in yourself, overcome loneliness, bond with others, improve your dating game, find peace in marriage, and build a lasting love. If you want to end your fear cycles and take control of your relationships with simple steps, this course will teach you how.
In This Episode, Adam Lane Smith Uncovers:
[01:30] Men Are Problem Solvers
- Adam Lane Smith
- The Attachment Bootcamp Course – 50% off with code “JOSH”
- Mind Pump Media
- The Map of Consciousness Explained: A Proven Energy Scale to Actualize Your Ultimate Potential by David Hawkins
- Why people living in the middle of California suffer with a lot of depression and family problems.
- What motivated Adam to help people.
- Men's brain works differently than women's brain.
- Why men always search for solutions.
[07:05] Men VS Women
- 512 Alison Armstrong: Unconscious Emasculation, What Women Don’t Understand About Men + How To Get The Love You Want
- Why men build and expand, while women improve the structures.
- Male and female brains are designed to work together.
- 533 SOLOCAST | Feminism Unwrapped: How The PSYOP of a Century Brainwashed Modern Women (and Men)
- 543 Kelly Brogan MD | How to Love ALL Your Parts + Be Self-Sovereign
- The psychology behind hate against different groups.
- Why men and women see each other as a threat.
[11:10] Attachment Theory
- How Adam teaches his clients about the attachment theory.
- People judge based on their own fears.
- Why men seek sex to get approval.
- 50% of American adults have an attachment issue.
- Why we need to make our children feel loved and seen.
- How parents' behavior towards their children makes the children create transactional relationships with others.
[19:20] Love Transforms Your Life
- If you've never felt love, your life will be more fearful than it should be.
- How romantic relationships change your life.
- The absence of love makes it harder for people to believe in God.
- How Adam helps people find out what's missing in their lives.
- The importance of having models to see what is possible and how to achieve it.
- Finding experiences that will prove your childhood beliefs are not true.
[25:30] Feelings Are Information
- Stopping one behavior doesn't create a transformation unless you replace it with a new behavior.
- B. F. Skinner
- Pain is only information.
- How you can use your feelings as data for healing.
- Feelings are not always right.
[32:00] Women + Relationships
- How feelings guide women.
- Why we need to remember that we are a team as a man and woman.
- How men shut off the value women bring to the relationship.
- Why relationships and resources define female status.
- Healthy women form family structures that create intimacy.
[37:35] The Truth About Venting
- 435 Dr. John Gray | Wellness In Relationships: Testosterone, Estrogen, Semen Retention & Sexual Polarity
- The problem with complaining about your partner.
- How solution-problem venting can help your relationship.
- 595 Relationship Death + Rebirth: How to Let Love Lead Again + Let Go of The Anxious-Avoidant Dance (Margo Running + Carrie Michelle)
- Johnny Blackburn
- 538 John Wineland | A New Masculine Paradigm: Leading With Love, Living Your Truth + Healing The World
- The importance of understanding how the two sides of the brain work.
- Why men can't solve all problems on their own.
[45:30] The Roots of Racism + Men's Search for Affection
- Racism is learned in early childhood.
- How emotional reactions are perceived by children.
- Why some people get angry at Adam's social media posts.
- How some men think Adam is not the right man who can provide relationship advice based on his appearance.
- Why many men are searching for affection but don't know how to get it.
[52:35] The Dysfunction of The Tough Guy
- Andrew Tate
- David Goggins
- Why warrior cultures have an avoidant attachment style.
- A study proved that oxytocin increases a father's affection towards his children.
- How low oxytocin makes men more tough and less affectionate.
- Why anger is more powerful than despair.
[55:45] The Warrior Gene + Rebirth of Masculinity
- Be Useful: Seven Tools for Life by Arnold Schwarzenegger
- The warrior gene (MAO-A) blocks re-uptake of dopamine when you're angry, causing anger to make you feel better.
- How the Vikings spread the MAO-A gene throughout Europe.
- Why masculinity nearly died off in the West and women took over.
- Why men need to master total personal sovereignty and responsibility to reconnect with their masculine energy.
- 293 Dr. Jade Teta: How To Be A Next Level Human
- Why masculinity needs to serve a purpose to have a meaning.
[01:04:55] Porn Addiction
- Josh's journey of porn addiction.
- Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson
- Porn addiction is only a symptom.
- The role of hormones in attachment.
- Why hormones are not released properly if you have an attachment issue.
- How porn replaces dopamine that you should get from human interaction.
[01:11:30] Attachment Styles
- How Josh's children and partner are teaching him what love is.
- People who have anxious attachment were withdrawn love and believe something is wrong with them.
- Why avoidant attachment didn't receive enough love and often try to manipulate people into loving them.
- How can one person switch between anxious and avoidant attachment.
[01:17:40] Secure Attachment in Relationships
- Attachment style is not a sentence, it can be changed.
- Only 35% of people have a secure attachment style.
- Why Adam chooses to talk with his children instead of yelling and controlling them.
- What secure attachment looks like in relationships.
[01:20:30] Healing Attachment During Conflict
- How to know if a person is right for us.
- Learning to navigate conflict in order to heal your attachment together with your partner.
- The importance of collaboration during conflict.
- No case is hopeless if you are willing to do the work.
- Why humans need to collectively solve problems.
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Power Quotes From The Show
Vasopressin Hormone
“One of the biggest indicators of a long-term, healthy, stable marriage is vasopressin. Vasopressin is a hormone released when we solve and overcome problems together and work as a team. Women detect that through feelings. They intuitively safeguard their relationships. That is why wives crave to be listened to, trusted, and have their feelings mean something to their husband.” – Adam Lane Smith
Men's Brain Works Differently Than Women's Brain
“When a man is in a conversation with a woman and she's sharing her feelings, he's observing and then he jumps to a solution to fix her problems. He's shutting her up. The message she's getting is: I don't care. I don't want to listen.” – Adam Lane Smith
Love Is Everything
“Love is everything. When you discover what real love is and you experience it with one human being, whether that's a friend or a partner, it changes everything because the world has 10 new colors in it, 10 new smells, 10 new realities. Everything opens up in a way that never existed before and suddenly things start to make sense and there is suddenly joy and hope.” – Adam Lane Smith
Links From Today's Show
- Adam Lane Smith
- The Attachment Bootcamp Course – 50% off with code “JOSH”
- Mind Pump Media
- The Map of Consciousness Explained: A Proven Energy Scale to Actualize Your Ultimate Potential by David Hawkins
- 512 Alison Armstrong: Unconscious Emasculation, What Women Don’t Understand About Men + How To Get The Love You Want
- 533 SOLOCAST | Feminism Unwrapped: How The PSYOP of a Century Brainwashed Modern Women (and Men)
- 543 Kelly Brogan MD | How to Love ALL Your Parts + Be Self-Sovereign
- B. F. Skinner
- 435 Dr. John Gray | Wellness In Relationships: Testosterone, Estrogen, Semen Retention & Sexual Polarity
- 595 Relationship Death + Rebirth: How to Let Love Lead Again + Let Go of The Anxious-Avoidant Dance (Margo Running + Carrie Michelle)
- Johnny Blackburn
- 538 John Wineland | A New Masculine Paradigm: Leading With Love, Living Your Truth + Healing The World
- Andrew Tate
- David Goggins
- Be Useful: Seven Tools for Life by Arnold Schwarzenegger
- 293 Dr. Jade Teta: How To Be A Next Level Human
- Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson
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About Adam Lane Smith
Adam Lane Smith is a transformative force in the field of personal development and relationships. Leveraging years of professional experience as a licensed psychotherapist into a highly sought-after Attachment Specialist and personal coach.
From regular families hoping to mend marital troubles. to high-power executives striving for harmony in parenting, to millionaire CEOs navigating the intricate world of dating, Adam’s profound insight and advice have proven invaluable time and again.
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