Wellness + Wisdom | Episode 573
Do you know how to let go of your ego as a parent?
Dr. Shefali Tsabary, world-renowned clinical psychologist, joins Josh Trent on the Wellness + Wisdom podcast, episode 573, to share how parents can transition from parenting driven by conditioned patterns to conscious parenting, why parents have the need to control their children, and how the five masks of the ego serve as a survival mechanism.
“Parenting today is under a deep crisis because we've been doing it the way we were told to do it. Parents are unable to individuate and break free themselves because they're so enmeshed with the parental indoctrination from their childhood that they need to present as perfect or happy or cheerful. That's why they can't allow their children to be autonomous individuated separate human beings and control their children.” – Dr. Shefali Tsabary
In This Episode, Dr. Shefali Tsabary Uncovers:
[01:30] What Is Conscious Parenting?
- Dr. Shefali Tsabary
- The Parenting Map by Dr. Shefali
- The spiritual essence of Dr. Shefali's parenting advice.
- On Children by Kahlil Gibran
- Why her teachings are rooted in a meditation practice.
- Our ego is our ignorance.
- Why parents are the most essential part of children's lives.
[06:25] Getting Caught Up in The Matrix
- Gabor Maté
- Why we have delusional ideas of who we are.
- What makes us chase things that won't ever make us satisfied.
- Why the things we chase are not designed to bring us inner joy.
- What creates our unhappiness.
[09:40] The Ego-Driven Parenting
- Why growing up in India was a blessing for Dr. Shefali.
- Her journey to Vipassana meditation and learning detachment.
- Why parenting is often ego-driven.
- The conditioning we have around parenting.
- What made her realize the standard parenting model didn't work for her.
- How parents are being reinforced to use the ego with their children.
[13:50] Traditions + Conditioned Patterns
- Josh's experience with Vipassana.
- The difference between blindly following traditions and consciously choosing traditions.
- Why anything that is not questioned can become dangerous.
- Why Dr. Shefali's mission is to break people from their conditioned patterns.
- How coming back home to yourself makes you more connected and compassionate.
[15:55] Why Do Parents Control Their Children?
- Releasing the unproductive patterns.
- Why “good vibes only” is spiritual bypassing.
- How parents are unable to individuate and break free from their own conditioning.
- Why we control our children and see them as a part of us.
- Parenting is our ego on steroids.
[20:50] The 5 Masks of Our Ego
- The sleep deprivation struggle as a parent.
- Why we put on masks as a survival mechanism.
- The five masks of our ego: fighter, fixer, feigner, freezer, flea.
- How to break free of our egoic patterns.
[23:30] The Origin of Toxic Men
- What fascinates Dr. Shefali about the ego.
- How she lovingly blasts the ego in herself and the people around her.
- How to heal as a man who was taught to disconnect from his emotions.
- A Radical Awakening: Turn Pain into Power, Embrace Your Truth, Live Free by Dr. Shefali
- Why men need to be reminded of their humanity.
- How men have been conditioned to be toxic.
[28:00] Why Some Women Hate All Men
- 543 Kelly Brogan MD | How to Love ALL Your Parts + Be Self-Sovereign
- What creates hate in women towards men.
- How wounded feminism obstructs true feminism.
- Why we all need to accept that all of us are wounded.
[31:10] Dr. Shefali on Gender Dysphoria
- 503 Paul Levy | Wetiko: Break Free From Collective Mass Psychosis
- The two types of people that struggle with gender dysphoria.
- Why people get confused about their gender.
- The reason why children aren't capable of making decisions about their bodies yet.
- The problem with bodily trends.
[36:55] The Human Path Away from Nature to Technology
- How AI and social media make us want to have everything fast.
- Why we need to help our children with the anguish around their pain.
- How we've gone too far from the element of nature.
- Why it's crucial for parents to realize that they're not raising their own “mini-me.”
- How Dr. Shefali realized she was trying to raise her child as her mini-me.
[42:45] Learn to Stay True to Yourself
- Why we need to embody wisdom to have wellness.
- Unpacking why we should stay aligned with our true selves.
- Why the seductions of culture are only important to our ego but don't truly make a difference.
- How Dr. Shefali tames her ego.
- Evolve 2023 with Dr. Shefali
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Power Quotes From The Show
Who We Believe We Are
“We believe that who we are is based on other people's opinion of us, our image in the world, our bank account, our looks, what we posses… This is the prevalent idea of how we should define ourselves. It's delusional because these things will never reach an endpoint of satiety or fruition.” – Dr. Shefali Tsabary
Are You Raising a Mini-Me?
“When you're a parent, it's crucial you realize you aren't raising a mini-me but a spirit throbbing with its own signature. For this reason it's important to separate who you are from who each of your children is.” – Dr. Shefali Tsabary
Men's Conditioning
“Men as a whole need to be reminded of their humanity. Men are not evil and women did not raise toxic men. Men have been conditioned to become toxic because of the prevelant cultural narrative. We need understand how men have been twisted and suffocated by this cultural paradigm as well as understand ourselves as women. But it's in understanding both that we will awaken and be emboldened to the highest empowerment.” – Dr. Shefali Tsabary
Links From Today's Show
- Dr. Shefali Tsabary
- The Parenting Map by Dr. Shefali
- On Children by Kahlil Gibran
- Gabor Maté
- A Radical Awakening: Turn Pain into Power, Embrace Your Truth, Live Free by Dr. Shefali
- 543 Kelly Brogan MD | How to Love ALL Your Parts + Be Self-Sovereign
- 503 Paul Levy | Wetiko: Break Free From Collective Mass Psychosis
- Evolve 2023 with Dr. Shefali
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About Dr. Shefali Tsabary
Dr. Shefali Tsabary is a world-renowned clinical psychologist specializing in integrating Eastern philosophy and Western psychology, making her an expert in her field.
She has written multiple New York Times, best sellers, and is the author of three incredible books: The Conscious Parent, The Awakened Family, and a Radical Awakening, and now her brand new book The Parenting Map.
She is also an acclaimed author and keynote speaker who has presented at venues such as TEDx, Kellogg Business School, The Dalai Lama Center for Peace and Education, and many more.
Her online classes and workshops cover a wide range of topics such as anxiety, anger, purpose, meaning, and conscious health.
Oprah endorsed her first book — The Conscious Parent, as one of the most profound books on parenting she has ever read.
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