Wellness + Wisdom | Episode 652
Why facing your fear straight on is the only way out of it?
Dr. John Delony, joins Josh Trent on the Wellness + Wisdom Podcast, episode 652, to share the principles of living a non-anxious life, why winning won't make you well, how men can escape the hustle and grind lifestyle and lead with an open heart instead, and why there's power in vulnerability.
“Fear is just an internal alarm system that your body sets off. And so when we give it more power and credence, when we stamp that label on our souls, it begins to dictate all of our actions.” – Dr. John Delony
In This Episode, Dr. John Delony Uncovers:
[01:30] Being Called to Help
- Dr. John Delony
- Why John used to be off social media.
- Building a Non-Anxious Life by Dr. John Delony
- What motivated him to get two PhD titles.
- How he saw the world changing 15 years ago.
[06:50] Sovereign Parenting
- How John's daughter's imagination takes her to another world.
- Why parents are terrified of failing their children.
- It's important to set boundaries for your children.
[10:40] Gender Dysphoria
- Why people don't want to talk about mental health.
- How children learn to outsource feelings from groups.
- There are more things people agree on than fight over.
[14:30] How to Speak to People
- Why people resonate so much with John.
- What makes it possible for him to talk to absolutely anybody.
- How he travels to talk at live events.
[18:50] Winning Won't Make You Well
- It's fundamental to have some chaos in life.
- The Last Dance (2020)
- Why success is not what makes people happy.
- What it is that we truly want in life.
- Why asking yourself “for what?” is essential.
- Who you love and who loves you is the most important thing in life.
[25:00] Building a Non-Anxious Life
- 388 Dr. Jud Brewer | Unwinding Anxiety: New Science Shows How to Break the Cycles of Worry and Fear to Heal Your Mind
- The Comfort Crisis: Embrace Discomfort To Reclaim Your Wild, Happy, Healthy Self by Michael Ester
- We've run out of things to be uncomfortable about.
- Why people don't want to feel uncomfortable anymore.
- Anxiety can become your identity.
[30:00] The Power of Vulnerability
- Why growth is found in vulnerability.
- How John was brought up in an environment where he couldn't be vulnerable.
- People are looking for people who have gone through the same things.
[32:30] The Dangers of Loneliness
- Loneliness is detrimental to our bodies.
- Humans are tribal creatures.
- How studies get false data from studying individuals.
- Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection by John Casioppo
- Our bodies know when we are lonely and unsupported.
[37:30] Facing The Hustle + Grind Culture As a Man
- The feminist movement told women they don't need anybody.
- Men are told women are the problem and they don't need to change.
- Why men push themselves to work really hard.
- How John is learning to be a great role model to his children.
[43:00] Modern Day Masculinity
- I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terrence Real
- The masculine is being able to switch between different modes as a man.
- How John confronted a man who destroyed his driveway.
- Leading critical situations with compassion.
[50:10] Seeking for Approval
- The problem with the red pill mindset.
- Why John works out often but is able to take a break when he needs to rest or be with his family.
- The ways in which John was seeking approval and love.
- Confidence comes from doing the hard work.
[56:45] Face Your Fears
- 411 Gay Hendricks | The Genius Zone: The Breakthrough Process to End Negative Thinking and Live in True Creativity
- 606 Akshay Nanavati | How To Love Your Fear: The (REAL) Secret To Unlocking Your Pure Potential
- How avoiding situations that give you anxiety reinforces the anxiety.
- Why most couples don't stay together after losing their child.
- The importance of not avoiding pain.
[01:03:30] Dealing with Pain + Grief
- How pain and stress can help us be more grateful for the people we have in our lives.
- Why grief should not be compared.
- We heal generational trauma through vulnerability.
[01:10:40] How to be a Man with an Open Heart
- What it means for a man to have an open heart.
- How we can change the relationships with our loved ones by having boundaries and being loving.
- Why John is teaching his son to check on the people in the community and provide help.
- We are only as liberated as our darkest secret.
- Why children want to fix their relationship with their parents.
[01:15:40] Financial Maturation
- Why John felt responsible for taking care of his family financially.
- What led him to ask his wife to take over the financial responsibility.
- How he started working with Dave Ramsey.
- Dave Ramsey
- Why debt crushes relationships.
[01:20:40] The Journey to Liberation
- What made John say “I can't do this anymore.”
- How healing our mental and emotional health starts a chain reaction of positive changes.
- Why many teachers become millionaires.
- Wellness is having peace.
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Power Quotes From The Show
Don't Avoid Situations That Make You Anxious
“If you have social anxiety disorder and you don't like being around groups of people, if you avoid groups of people because your body makes you anxious, your body gets exactly what it wanted, which is to not die via that group of people. So it knows this is the way to keep us safe and to avoid that group of people. It reinforces the anxiety. The only way to turn that alarm down is to head right into that group of people.” – Dr. John Delony
We Don't Want to Feel Uncomfortable
“We've been solving for comfort at a pace that far outpaced our body's ability to shift. We've run out of things to be uncomfortable about and so it's shifted into this world of ideas and feelings. I think we've just naturally become accustomed to never being uncomfortable, never being challenged. “ – Dr. John Delony
Two Greatest Lies Told Men + Women
“Terry Reel says, there's been 2 great lies in the last 60 years of transformation. One is that the feminist movement told women they don't need anybody, they just need themselves, and the greatest path forward is to act more like men. And the greatest lie told men is women are the problem, they don't need to change. If things could get back to the way they were then everything would be fine. I don't care what gender you are, you can't do life by yourself.” – Dr. John Delony
Links From Today's Show
- Dr. John Delony
- Building a Non-Anxious Life by Dr. John Delony
- The Last Dance (2020)
- 388 Dr. Jud Brewer | Unwinding Anxiety: New Science Shows How to Break the Cycles of Worry and Fear to Heal Your Mind
- The Comfort Crisis: Embrace Discomfort To Reclaim Your Wild, Happy, Healthy Self by Michael Ester
- Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection by John Casioppo
- I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terrence Real
- 411 Gay Hendricks | The Genius Zone: The Breakthrough Process to End Negative Thinking and Live in True Creativity
- 606 Akshay Nanavati | How To Love Your Fear: The (REAL) Secret To Unlocking Your Pure Potential
- Dave Ramsey
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About Dr. John Delony
Dr. John Delony earned his Bachelor of Arts in humanities and psychology at Lubbock Christian University and his Masters of Education in higher education administration from Texas Tech University.
He went on to earn two PhDs from Texas Tech University—one in counselor education and supervision, and the other in higher education administration.
After spending over 20 years in crisis response and leading students in higher education (and finding real solutions and freedom in his own wellness journey), John knew he wanted to help as many people as possible heal from their past trauma and live whole, connected lives.
He now writes, speaks, and teaches about relationships, mental health, anxiety, and wellness. He also hosts The Dr. John Delony Show where he answers callers’ questions about all of the above, and serves as co-host of The Ramsey Show where he helps unpack the psychology behind finances.
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