The Four Tendencies – Gretchen Rubin
Today's episode reveals the hidden aspects of our nature that determine how we respond to the expectations of ourselves and others.
On this podcast, we discover Gretchen Rubin's new book “The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How To Make Your Life Better (And Other People's Lives Better, Too)”
These 4 Tendencies give us a framework for how we react to the internal and external demands in our lives. When we better understand these patterns in our behavior, we gain immense control over our actions and decisions.
Although our personality type may be deeply ingrained, we can benefit from knowing these predictable behavioral patterns and set ourselves up for success.
Listen to Wellness + Wisdom 129 as Gretchen shares her insight from decades of research in happiness, habits, and so much more.
Listen To Episode 129 As Gretchen Uncovers:
- The personality framework that determines how we respond to expectations
- Character traits of the Obliger, Questioner, Rebel, and Upholder
- How to gain a deeper understanding of our actions
- The benefits of identifying these predictable patterns of our behavior
- The strengths and weaknesses of our different tendencies
- How we can fine-tune our self-awareness
- Why others may not see the world as we do
- Ways to set our internal and external framework up for success
- How these personality types play out in our relationships
- Ways to understand how our behavior fits into predictable patterns
- How we can avoid disempowering language
- Why Gretchen prefers the newspaper over televised news
- How to get the most out of yourself and others
- How to set up the accountability we need to meet an inner expectation
- The Four Tendencies in a nutshell:
The Four Tendencies
Upholders respond readily to outer and inner expectations
Questioners question all expectations; they’ll meet an expectation if they think it makes sense
Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike
Obligers meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves
Top 3 Takeaways From Gretchen
- These personality traits may be deeply ingrained, but luckily we don't need to try and change who we are. Just by knowing our tendencies, we can set ourselves up for success.
- If you fall into the large category of Obligers, remember to be mindful of Obliger Rebellion. This is when the demands and expectations from others begin to overwhelm us to the point of burnout and resentment. Typically, this happens when the Obliger feels used or taken advantage of, which they usually are. We get to set healthy boundaries for our external accountability.
- It's important to know that not everyone thinks like we do. Sometimes this gets us upset when people don't live up to our expectations. There are also times when it's hard to comprehend why people do the things they do. If we understand the personality traits and nature of others, we can remove judgment and enhance our impact, interactions, and relationships.
Power Quotes From Gretchen Rubin
“Perfectionism isn't about standards, it's about anxiety.” – Gretchen Rubin
“I believe these tendencies are hard-wired and genetically determined.” – Gretchen Rubin
“Your upbringing and culture affect how your tendency is expressed.” – Gretchen Rubin
“An upholder doesn't need to say yes to everything.” – Gretchen Rubin
“Obligers can find accountability by thinking of their future self.” – Gretchen Rubin
“It doesn't matter what you should be able to do, there's only what works for you.” – Gretchen Rubin
“When a Rebel pairs up at work or in romance, it's almost always with an Obliger.” – Gretchen Rubin
“The language we use leads to dramatically different results.” – Gretchen Rubin
Gretchen's New Book: “The Four Tendencies”
During her multi-book investigation into understanding human nature, Gretchen Rubin realized that by asking the seemingly dry question “How do I respond to expectations?” we gain explosive self-knowledge. She discovered that based on their answer, people fit into Four Tendencies: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels. Our Tendency shapes every aspect of our behavior, so using this framework allows us to make better decisions, meet deadlines, suffer less stress, and engage more effectively.
More than 600,000 people have taken her online quiz, and managers, doctors, teachers, spouses, and parents already use the framework to help people make significant, lasting change.
With sharp insight, compelling research, and hilarious examples, The Four Tendencies will help you get happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative. It's far easier to succeed when you know what works for you.
The “Happier with Gretchen Rubin” Podcast
Gretchen Rubin is HAPPIER, and she wants you to be happier too. The #1 bestselling author of The Happiness Project and Better Than Before gets more personal than ever as she brings her practical, manageable advice about happiness and good habits to this lively, thought-provoking podcast. Gretchen’s co-host and
Gretchen’s co-host and guinea pig is her younger sister, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in Los Angeles, who (lovingly) refers to Gretchen as her happiness bully. Part of the Panoply Network.
About Gretchen Rubin
Gretchen Rubin is the author of several books, including the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers, Better Than Before, The Happiness Project and Happier at Home. She has an enormous readership, both in print and online, and her books have sold almost three million copies worldwide, in more than thirty languages. She makes frequent TV appearances and is in much demand as a speaker.
On her weekly podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin, she discusses good habits and happiness with her sister Elizabeth Craft. Rubin started her career in law and was clerking for Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor when she realized she wanted to be a writer. She lives in New York City with her husband and two daughters.
Read more about Gretchen on her About page.
Links From Today's Show:
- Gretchen Rubin:
- “The 4 Tendencies”
- “The Happiness Project”
- “Better Than Before”
- Gretchen Rubin's Podcast “Happier With Gretchen Rubin”
- Gretchen Rubin on Wellness Force – Episode 51
- The Four Tendencies Quiz
- Pleasure of anticipation
- To Cheat Day or Not To Cheat Day?
- One Coin vs. The growing heap
- Real Self Actualization vs. Fake Self Actualization
- The Four Tendency Types That Direct Your Health
- Why Gretchen Rubin Went Low Carb
- Why We Get Fat by Gary Taubes
- Gretchen's Interview With Gary Taubes: Insulin Response
- Gretchen Rubin’s Mantra
- The Law of Attraction
- Feng Shui
- Loophole Spotting
- NBC's “The Office”
- Nick's Sticks Snack
- Gary Taubes