Dr. Cortney Warren | Honest Liars: The Psychology of Self-Deception
“Change is difficult and terrifying in general. To make a huge, dramatic shift in your life is terrifying because what you do is so based on your identity and that's probably the hardest part about that experience. There's more to it than just quitting a job and starting something new; it's about answering the question, “Who am I now?” It's all about the identity and the most difficult fear to overcome is regret.” – Dr. Cortney Warren
Doesn't it drive you crazy to not know why events, whether good or bad, happen in life?
Well, here's the answer: just don't even think about it because we don't know why things happen and we never will. It's actually better for us if we just accept something and move on by focusing on our present reality.
In Wellness + Wisdom episode 177, Clinical Psychologist, Researcher, TEDx Talk Speaker, and Author of Lies We Tell Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-Deception, Dr. Cortney Warren will share why the only certainty in life is change, how to observe and accept yourself without judgement, and how you can develop the psychological strength to change your life despite feelings of fear.
By the end of this episode, you will be able to uncover which of your thoughts are actually lies in order to end self-deception once and for all.
When you are ready for change, you are ready to grow.
Lies We Tell Ourselves:
The Psychology of Self-Deception
Get your copy of Lies We Tell Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-Deception by Dr. Cortney Warren.
Humans are excellent liars. We don’t like to think of ourselves as capable of lying; it hurts us too much to admit. So we lie to ourselves about that, too. As a clinical psychologist, I am regularly confronted with the brutal truth that we all lie. I am not talking about deliberate, bold-faced lying. No, this type of dishonesty is far harder to detect and admit. It is the kind of lying that comes from not being psychologically strong enough to be honest with ourselves about who we are. And I believe that it is our biggest obstacle to living a fulfilling life. I wrote this book for anyone interested in becoming more honest. In it, I present a range of self-deceptive examples couched in psychological theory to help us explore ourselves. Although it is a relatively short book—indended to be read in about an hour—I hope that the content provokes deep thought. For only when we are honest about who we really are, do we have the opportunity to change.
Listen To Episode 177 As Dr. Cortney Warren Uncovers:
- What the terms “honest liars” and self-deception mean to her as well as why it's vital that you don't let your emotions manifest within yourself.
- The choice that you have to make: Not change at all because you're afraid of what it will cost you or actually do something different.
- A healthy way that you can rebound from painful experiences and external tragedies.
- Why therapy is not only a tool but a gift that can help you with your struggles.
- How you can begin to better understand yourself by taking the time to look at your childhood.
- In her clinical experience – how men and women compare and differ when it comes to feeling emotions such as sadness or anger.
- Analyzing cultural messages and why standards about emotion aren't right at all when it comes to what's appropriate for the individual.
- Why she decided to leave her academic profession for a different career path.
- How people develop the psychological strength to change their lives even though it might be scary.
- Why it's so difficult to overcome regret.
- The importance of becoming self-aware and observing yourself without judgment in order to confront your thoughts and behaviors.
- Why writing down your personal observations of yourself can be so beneficial for your emotional wellness and to help you stop lying to yourself about who you are.
- Addictions to technology and how you can improve your relationship with your phone.
- How she uses yoga breathing and progressive muscle relaxation to help her patients.
- Designing your home and work environment to avoid any stimuli that will trigger a response.
- The power of systematic desensitization and how it helps improve cognitive behavior.
- How you can become more honest yourself now and forever by beginning to challenge the lies that you tell yourself every day.
- The lies that adolescents tell themselves about who they are and their appearance.
- How you can analyze and improve your binge eating habits.
- Her own revelation that she needed to let go of her addiction to perfection.
Power Quotes From The Show
“The biggest predictor of change is misery. Someone is more likely going to change when they can't stand living their life the way it is today. That's when people are ready to change their lives because what they're doing now is not fulfilling.” – Dr. Cortney Warren
“We need to stop asking why bad things happen. We don't even know why and you just can't know nor do you necessarily need to know. What you need to know is that this is your reality today. So, what are you going to do with it?” – Dr. Cortney Warren
“Therapy is a gift. Therapy is indicative of you being brave and willing to look at yourself on a more deeper, internal level. That takes a tremendous amount of courage because it's much easier to go ahead and just avoid it.” – Dr. Cortney Warren
“Just allow yourself to pause. When you're in the midst of a strong, emotional experience, it is the worst time ever for you to make any big-time decisions. If you act out in the moment based on your emotions, you're denying yourself the opportunity to learn more about yourself.” – Dr. Cortney Warren
“Start to think of your life as a big experiment and you are the scientist. Say to yourself, “I'm going to try something different and I'm going to see what I learn about myself in the process.” How does it feel to be without your phone for example? Are you fine or is it incredibly uncomfortable? See this as a self-awareness process without any negativity or judgment.” – Dr. Cortney Warren
Links From Today's Show
Dr. Cortney Warren at TEDx Talks: Honest Liars – The Psychology of Self-Deception
- Dr. Cortney Warren
- Choose Honesty
- Lies We Tell Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-Deception by Dr. Cortney Warren
- The Naked Truth Blog
- Dr. Cortney Warren in Psychology Today
- You Are An Excellent Liar
- Denial Documentary
- My Name is _____ and I'm a Recovering Liar
- I am NOT an Addict! The intertwined world of self-deception and addiction.
- Your Right to an Opinion Does Not Make Your Opinion Factual
- Minimizing Anxiety, Honestly
- Dr. Jordan B. Peterson
- David Deida
- WFR 055 Gay & Katie Hendricks
About Dr. Cortney Warren
As the child of two college professors, Dr. Cortney Warren was raised in an academic environment. In addition to attaining a formal education in the classroom, she traveled extensively, getting a “real-world” education.
Before the age of twenty, Cortney had lived in Australia and Argentina and traveled throughout Central America, South America, Russia, Scandinavia, and Western Europe. Exposed to a diversity of cultures and lifestyles from an early age, she was intrigued by the ways cultural and environmental conditions affected the psychological well-being of individuals, groups, and even entire societies.
Her interest in psychology and issues of cultural diversity took academic shape as an undergraduate at Macalester College in St. Paul, Minnesota. Under the exceptional mentorship of Drs. Jaine Strauss (Macalester College) and Nancy C. Raymond (University of Minnesota), Cortney developed a strong interest in the cultural components of eating disorders and undertook supporting research and clinical activities.
Through her formal and informal learning experiences, Cortney saw the ways in which we lie to ourselves on a daily basis and the danger that it posed to our emotional well-being. Helping people understand themselves and see their own self-deception became a fundamental part of her clinical practice, research, teaching, and personal way of life.