Have you ever had that feeling that you’re seeking others' approvals when the only approval or acceptance that you actually need is your own?
Why Seeking Approval Became My Identity
I have a confession: I’m am a recovering approval seeker and I sought approval because I was 100% afraid of making the wrong decision, being judged, failing, and frankly, being less than perfect.
Maybe you can relate? I know I’m not alone in this.
But to be honest, I used to think I was. Not only did I think I was only one who dealt with the complete inability to make my own decisions, but I also pretended that issue even existed (what many of us tend to do when we don’t want to face the harsh reality of the elephant in room)
I have sought approval from everyone I have ever come into contact with regardless of whether I even respected them or not.
What was once a tendency which became so ingrained in me that I actually thought it was a part of my identity – seek approval of others in order to make a decision, be myself, go somewhere…honestly, live my freaking life.
Permission To Trust The Process
I can remember this trait of mine developing at an extremely early age (as most traits are). To friends, family, and any random sales associate or even the waiter, I was thought of as “the girl who took forever to make a decision.”
And so that’s what I thought I was, just indecisive.
But the reality was that I did know what I wanted or at least had some idea; I was just so afraid of making the wrong decision, being judged by others, or just flat out failing. For this reason, I continually ignored my beliefs and became completely disconnected from my body and who I was.
The validation I sought from others was the permission I needed to give myself to fall deeper, love harder, listen more and trust the process.
What Does Your Heart Need?
While this and many other fear-based belief systems are designed to protect us, they only serve to stifle our growth, our personalities, and our full expression of self.
In this frenetic world, we are taught to “fix, fix, fix” and “do, do, do”. This can often create another fear-based philosophy of always thinking that something is wrong with you.
But I am here to tell you that you are perfect. You are exactly where you need to be.
And it is only until we stop questioning, seeking approval, and wondering the ‘what ifs’ or the ‘whys’, that we can allow ourselves to get really still and silent and ask ourselves, ‘What do I want?’
So before you ask someone else what YOU need, take a deep breath, silence that voice in your head and ask yourself, “What does my heart need and how can I be more available to me?”
In Abundant Health,
Ali Boone, RD, LD, NTP
About Ali Boone
is a Registered Dietitian, Nutritional Therapy Practitioner, Life Coach and Owner of Nourished Abundance.
Ali uses Nutritional Therapy and coaching to get to the root cause of the ailments you are experiencing rather than just treating the symptoms. She has worked with her clients to reverse diabetes, overcome weight loss plateaus, improve diagnosed gastrointestinal conditions, reduce blood cholesterol levels, remove digestive stressors, reduce anxiety and increase energy levels.
While most people feel they have to undergo major dietary and life restrictions in order to lose weight, be fulfilled, and feel confident again, Ali couldn’t disagree more. She believes that living a healthy lifestyle is about finding balance, managing the stressors, and creating a life full of abundance.