“When you think you’ve surrendered, surrender more.” – Gabby Bernstein, The Universe Has Your Back
When you think you've surrendered, surrender more…but doesn’t this mean I’ve been defeated?
My 9-year old tends to worry about outcomes. He gets easily overwhelmed and becomes fearful. When I talked to him about surrendering and allowing, he said, “But mama, when you surrender, doesn’t that mean you are defeated by the enemy and you’ve lost the battle?” It took me a moment to think of the best response to that. After all, he is right. We grow up believing that surrendering means waving the white flag of defeat.
It’s associated with war.
It means the battle is over.
We have lost.
However, surrendering in a sense of letting go of control, can be a most exquisite thing; quite the opposite of being defeated. It is, in a sense, surrendering to a war so that you may be at peace with yourself.
The war in our mind.
The war of fear.
The war of control.
We try to control everything in our life.
Control is simply an illusion. Life will flow how it will. We want things to go a certain way so badly and we think we have to ‘fight tooth and nail’ in order to have things be the way we want them to be. However, when you try so hard for something and fight against the current, you are pushing away the very thing that you want!
Think of surrendering as a gentle approach to obtaining the life you want. If you are unsure of what it is that you want, surrendering gives you the space to figure that out without the fear and judgment that can crowd your mind. Picture a leaf gently falling from a tree limb and gracefully floating to the ground. No struggle and at peace. This is what it means to surrender.
We believe we have to hold on so tightly to everything. Whether it be that perfect relationship, that amazing career, financial abundance, or friendships. Most of this pressure now comes from social media facades of the ‘perfect life.’ If deep down we don’t believe good things in life can come easily for us, we tend to fight harder for those things. When you fight hard for something, you send out the energy of scarcity. The universe takes that signal of fear and responds to that energy by pushing you further away from the very things you desire. Therefore, trying too hard for something can actually make it more difficult to obtain.
Stop trying so hard.
Believe you already have what you desire or that it will come easily.
Give space for the universe to make it happen for you.
This is where the art of surrender comes into play!
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t take action and create our life around the things we want. Surrendering isn’t about not trying or being lazy. This is where some people struggle. Surrendering is letting go of doubt, fear, and worry surrounding the belief that we can have the things that we desire. Once you let go of the fear and doubt, it’s out of your hands, off your shoulders, and into the hands of the universe, God or whatever your higher belief may be. Then, you can have a less worried and more focused approach to life. You can still put the work in, but the doubt, fear, and worry are out of your hands. Picture that load being off your shoulders. Feels really nice, doesn’t it? That is surrendering.
It means you trust.
You trust in yourself and you trust in the world.
This sends out the energy that you are ready to receive.
When we picture the things that we want and believe we can have them (because we can), we can surrender this belief and leave it at that. Allow all those good things the space to come into your life, and they will work their way in. Think of surrendering as “decluttering your brain” from the fears that block your pathway to all things beautiful.
Surrendering allows space for personal reflection as well.
Surrendering to your fears, even for short moments, will give you the opportunity to look at problems you are facing from the outside rather than being right in the thick of it. Surrendering gives you a chance to stand back and view situations in life with greater clarity. This can give you a healthier understanding and enable you to take the next step with more clear direction and a firmer foundation.
Surrendering can help clear up conflict in our relationships.
You know the saying, “love is a battlefield?” It doesn’t have to be. Surrendering in love can be beautiful, even with no true answer. Even with no victory won for either person. This allows you to move forward in your life without being attached to negative energies. It doesn’t mean you are ambivalent. It simply means you are letting go of the need to be right. It allows you to see other perspectives so that you may free yourself from judging. The need to be right can cause us to feel a great deal of unnecessary pain.
Surrender without blaming.
Surrender without judging.
Surrender without being deceitful.
Surrender without revenge.
In a world that pushes us to be and do and hustle, many of us struggle with fear and uncertainty-with high expectations to be successful by cultural standards. This can create cloudiness and confusion. All of this is counterproductive to finding peace and happiness. Surrender is a beautiful thing; a fabulous word!
Maybe we’ve had it wrong all along…maybe it’s the one who surrenders that truly wins the war.
About The Author | Kathryn Kos
Kathryn Kos of Primal Musings is a mama of two boys, and two fur babies. She is a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner, and a writer. Kathryn is the Content Manager for Dr. Pompa. She has recently shifted her gears, into the realm of personal development, relationships, and sexuality in both her speaking and writing. In her spare time, Kathryn enjoys CrossFit, hiking, yoga, and bass fishing with her boys.