How much do you really understand yourself? Most of us know our likes and dislikes when it comes to things like loving pizza or hating science fiction, but when it comes to the things that motivate us to do the things we do and what causes us to suffer or find true and lasting joy in life, well it’s not always so easy to discern.
The good news is, we can all improve our lives and live well by learning to truly understand ourselves. How do you do that? Here are soem good places to start:
Table of Contents
1) Spend Quality Time with Your Inner Self
This might sound a bit Eat, Pray, Love, but hear me out. You know how you spend time getting to know a new friend or partner? You talk, hang out, and figure out their quirks and habits. Well, you’ve got to do the same with yourself.
Find some time to be alone, and I’m not talking about binge-watching Netflix or scrolling through TikTok. Do something that helps you focus inward. Maybe take a long walk (preferably without earbuds), sit in a café by yourself, or even journal a bit. You’d be surprised how much clarity can come from just hanging out with yourself—without the distractions.
Pro tip: Ask yourself questions like you’re on a date with yourself. “What do I actually like doing?” “What makes me feel most alive?” “Why did I think bangs were a good idea in high school?” Treat it like an internal interview and be honest—this isn’t LinkedIn, you don’t have to impress anyone.
2) Try Deep Process Psychotherapy
Okay, let’s get a little deeper. If you’re really serious about understanding yourself, you might want to look into deep process psychotherapy. What is deep process psychotherapy?
It is a process which helps you uncover those sneaky, unconscious patterns of behavior and emotions that often control your life without you even realizing it. It’s kind of like looking under the hood of your emotional engine and discovering why you keep making the same mistakes or feeling stuck in certain situations.
Pro tip: This process might feel a little intense, but it’s incredibly liberating. If you’ve ever wondered why you have certain fears or desires, or why you keep dating the same type of person (bad news: it’s not because you have a type, it’s because you have an unresolved issue), this kind of therapy could be the key to unlocking those answers. Plus, it sounds way more impressive than “I’ve been working on myself” when someone asks what you’ve been up to.
3) Do Something that Scares You (But Not Too Much)
Now, I’m not telling you to go skydiving (unless that’s your thing). But pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, even just a little, can help you see parts of yourself that you didn’t even know existed. It’s like your soul’s very own surprise party.
Maybe you’ve always been afraid of public speaking—join a local speaking group or just force yourself to give a toast at a family gathering. Perhaps you avoid creative expression because you think you’re “not that type”—sign up for a painting class or take up writing again. Doing something you’ve previously avoided shows you what you’re capable of, which can be pretty eye-opening when it comes to self-awareness.
Pro tip: Start small. You don’t have to run a marathon to understand yourself better. A local 5K or even tackling that one conversation you’ve been avoiding will do the trick. Baby steps, people.
4) Reflect on Your Relationships
One of the best mirrors to understanding yourself is your relationships—whether romantic, friendships, or family. Look at how you behave around others. Are you the peacemaker? The joker? The one who never says no? Understanding the roles you play in your relationships can give you major insight into who you are and how you relate to the world.
Pay attention to patterns. Do you always end up being the one people come to for advice but never ask for help in return? Do you constantly sacrifice your time and energy for others? These behaviors can tell you a lot about your internal needs and boundaries.
Pro tip: Ask someone close to you for feedback. Yep, it’s a little terrifying, but getting an outside perspective can be invaluable. Just make sure you’re ready to hear what they have to say—whether it’s about your tendency to overcommit or your refusal to acknowledge your love of rom-coms.
5) Embrace Your Weirdness
Look, you’re never going to truly understand yourself if you’re always trying to fit into someone else’s idea of who you should be. Everyone has weird quirks, unique interests, and random hobbies that make them who they are. Lean into yours!
Do you have a random obsession with collecting vintage records? Great! Do you secretly love watching paranormal documentaries at 2 a.m.? Perfect! These things are part of your identity, so instead of brushing them aside as “too weird,” embrace them. Understanding yourself means accepting all the odd and wonderful bits that make you you.
Pro tip: Stop apologizing for the things that make you unique. Whether it’s a weird laugh, an unusual hobby, or your love for pineapple on pizza (controversial, I know), these quirks are what make you interesting. Own it.
Here’s to knowing ourselves!
