Wellness + Wisdom | Episode 703
Wellness + Wisdom Podcast Host, Josh Trent, shares practical steps on how you can finally stop lying to yourself and shift from procrastination and self-sabotage to your full potential.
Today's Question
Mar: Why do we keep lying to ourselves? Why do we keep procrastinating on the goals and the dreams that we set to achieve, even though they matter so much to us, and we've really, really want this so bad, but we still don't get ourselves work and push through the discomfort and get out of the comfort zone and actually achieve that.
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Listen To Episode 703 As Josh Trent Answers Your Questions
[02:50] Stop Lying to Yourself: The Root of Self-Sabotage
Let's get to the question because it's a question from you, which I love your vulnerability. I love that you're actually sharing something that's human that you struggle with self-sabotage to and procrastination.
Well, you said it, almost everybody struggles with this. And since we're in a new year and it's a new beginning, I think it's the best opportunity for us to actually look into this topic. So my question is:
Why do we keep lying to ourselves? Why do we keep procrastinating on the goals and the dreams that we set to achieve, even though they matter so much to us, and we've really, really want this so bad, but we still don't get ourselves work and push through the discomfort and get out of the comfort zone and actually achieve that.
It's so good. So thank you for being vulnerable and sharing what most people deal with, but they haven't developed the courage yet to say. Let's start with this. Let's start with a story because I love stories and it's how we learn.
In 2014, I was deep in a pornography addiction. I hadn't experienced any plant medicine. I was really at a low point in my life. And in the span of 6 months, I broke up with a woman I thought I was gonna be with. I put my mom in a mental home and I got fired from a quote safe corporate job. Wow. It was like a reckoning for me.
And I had been sitting on this idea of having a podcast for like 3 years. For 3 years, I was like, should I do it? Should I not do it? I was procrastinating. And here's why It wasn't until I got my ass kicked so hard self or by the universe that I was forced to look at the honesty of my life because of pain.
I knew I didn't want what was around me anymore. I knew I didn't want the fruits of my life anymore, but I just simply did not know how to change.
And let's be honest, I was procrastinating for 3 years, playing the safe route, because A, I didn't know really how to love myself. B, I wasn't surrounding myself with the kind of people that could actually fuel the productive side of me. And actually I was hanging out with people on the procrastination side of me. And then C, I didn't experience enough pain yet to really change from.
Like I have to clear my throat because it's interesting. My throat chakra is getting blocked right now. It's because I'm reflecting on that time when I didn't trust myself to speak and express with authority and with conviction. I hadn't earned it yet. I hadn't earned the right to do what you and I are doing right now.
And so for all of us that are dealing with procrastination, let my story be a starting place for you in whatever phase story that you're in.
What is something in your life that every night when you put your head on the pillow, you know that you get to do differently yet you're not doing it? And how much torture and pain does that cause you on a daily basis? Because let's be real, Mar, we're not gonna change habits unless there's enough friction.
I'm reading a book right now called Atomic Habits by James Clear. And he says that friction, the more friction that you have, the harder it is to do a behavior, the harder it is to change. So we actually need so much friction that it becomes so exhausting that we finally do the thing that's causing us the friction we've been resisting.
In other words, the friction or pain has to be so high that we finally take an honest look at the story that we're creating that's making us not do the thing that we know we want to do.
This struggle that I had was severe and it really didn't come from laziness. A lot of times procrastination can be laziness perceived, but what's deeper. Cause you know, on the podcast, we always explore like the cover emotion or what's being presented as the cover, the real story, the real stuff, the real beliefs are always much deeper.
Procrastination isn't laziness. It's fear. It's fear in disguise. It's like perfectionism is like fear a jacket. Well, procrastination is like fear looking away. It's seeing what's possible for us And it's developing the courage or kowtowing to the cowardice that blocks us from achieving it, from doing it…
[12:00] What Is Your Dream?
What is your dream? How much work have you spent really crafting and cultivating the clarity on your dream? And then now that you have clarity on your dream, does it align with your core values? Do your core values mirror your dream?
Then once you have that built, then you can start going to work on the behaviors. But until we get to the bottom of the bottom of the ocean inside of ourselves, core values, dream setting, and purpose, then nothing can really move forward from there.
It's almost like a lead weight that pulls us back. Has anybody ever felt this? You know exactly the thing that you want, but potentially when you really feel into it, you either don't feel worthy of it, you feel like it'll be too hard, or you might have a narrative that comes up that says, well, who am I to do this?
Who are you Mar to have this audacious dream? Who are you Josh to have a podcast and try to reach millions of people? Well, the difference between the result of the dream being real and the result of the dream being just a dream is inspired action. Inspired action is the winner of the game.
But in order to be inspired, you have to have clarity on why you're doing it in the first place. So I wanted to say that because the punchline here is you mentioned it was about safety. And the safety that you're rubbing up against is that you might be judged. And it goes into some very ancient wiring too, right?
Because in your brain and all of our brains, there's an amygdala, and that amygdala is actually wired for tribal connection. So it makes sense that by you having a dream of going to the gym, that that dream might be fought against by the projection of others potentially judging you. Am I on the right track? Like you might feel judged or it might feel unsafe or uncomfortable? Yeah.
And now there's actually a new excuse that I made, which is I don't want to join the gym in January so that people think that I'm 1 of the resolution people who decided to join the gym in January. That's how crazy it is. All right, cool.
So just noticing the stories that we make is really big. And it goes back to the clarity of and the word to use right now is actually identity.
One of the courses that I'm building out in the curriculum for Liberated Life is called Wellness Identity. It's an identity that you show up as regardless of your thoughts or your external circumstances.
And the thing that's really cool about identity is that we're all identifying as something, whether we know it or not. And so if I identify as a self-regulated, emotionally regulated, authentically expressing, abundance sharing man, because that's in alignment with my game, that actually Mar, you and I got clarity on, right?
We got clarity on our game. And our game is actually our dream. It's the same thing…
[21:00] Your Dream Is Far Greater Than Any Crisis
Procrastination never comes in because you're so clear on your identity of who you are, what you stand for, and how you're being of service to the world that no one and no thing can get in your way.
That's why in the studio, on the wall, I have the quote, my dream is far greater than any crisis, and above it is because it reminds me to nourish the 5 sides of me so that I can have this conviction around my purpose and dream and so that my identity feels real in my body so I can actually be it and live it and eat sleep and shit everything that my dream is (pardon my French) so that's the beautiful thing that you brought forth today is this consistent inspired action so this is what we do and this is the strategy for all of us.
This is actually the most fun part. When we meet resistance, can we take a breath and just ask 1 question? Do I feel identified with this behavior or with this thing that I want to do in alignment with my dream?
Do I feel identified with this thing I'm about to do or the thing safety is wanting me to sabotage? Can I look at this as an opportunity to reinforce or feed my identity with the clarity, dream, game, and vision that I know is real? And then just listen to what comes up.
If you notice from the mind that there's a story running and it says you might be judged, you might be shamed, it might be uncomfortable, just say thank you. Hey, I appreciate, I appreciate you trying to protect me. That's cool. You've protected me for a long time. Thank you, protector.
Get clear, usually through breath or through meditation or journaling, just something. Take a breath and ask. You can put your hands on your heart and you can say, is this something that an empowered feminine woman who shares her love and dreams with others does? Is this an embodiment? Is this something that an empowered, sharing of love and dream woman, feminine woman would do? And is this in alignment with my identity?
If so, it should create lightness and it should create fullness and excitement in your nervous system.
Where then when you go to the gym, you just quite simply won't give a fuck if people are judging you, it just won't fucking matter because you'll be so attached and so in alignment with your game your vision your purpose, and your identity that when you finally go and do the thing, it'll feel like you've come back home in a way.
It'll feel like just this light, beautiful experience. And if it doesn't, that's fine too, because sometimes, sometimes we actually do the thing and then we get the power…
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Links From Today's Show
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
- Liberated Life Tribe
- Finding Joe (2011)
- 674 Daniele Kathryn Hage | Gender Equality vs. Gender Equity: How to Have a Lasting + Loving Relationship For Life
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