“How you perceive, interrupt, and how you experience reality is unique to you like your thumb print. Neurologically, you are an endangered species.” – Bonnie Kelly
Today, certified life coach & personal development expert, Bonnie Kelly, tells her story have how she overcame an astonishing amount of hurt and betrayal to become the strong woman, coach, speaker, and author she has become.
In just one year, we've listened to so many incredible stories about how powerful the subconscious mind is, and today we have a powerful one that sits atop the collective.
One way to Bonnie was able to let go of her past to move on with a new life was by reprogramming negative thoughts to create a new, truthful story and forgiving her past.
Our Subconscious Software
“Feelings are the guards that stand watch over the belief ensuring it will not escape. For many of us, childhood felt more like an episode of Survivor than Leave it to Beaver.” – Bonnie Kelly
Our brain is similar to a computer. We have a monitor that connects to the tower to transmit all of the necessary information to function and learn. Inside the computer, we have software that stores and saves all of our memories in the history file.
Our software is our subconscious mind which controls all of our thinking and can also create either positive, true thoughts or negative, false thoughts in our mind as far as:
- Who we think we are
- How we show up in the world
- How we fit in the world
Negative Core Beliefs
Throughout life, we collect negative experiences and traumas. Even as children, any unintentional hardship that we experience becomes part of our negative core beliefs.
These experiences are like viruses being installed in our brains. We end up accepting harmful events and remember them in our subconscious. Once these negative thoughts become part of our every day thinking, it's hard to change them.
If we don't challenge our negative core beliefs, they become part of who we are and we tell ourselves false ideas such as:
- We're not lovable.
- We don't matter.
- We're not good enough.
Stop The Cycle of Negative Thinking
We attract ourselves to feelings or environments that are familiar to us. Because of this, we always we end up in experiences at re-validate any negative thoughts that we have about ourselves.
Bonnie experienced a constant cycle of bad relationships because that was what she was drawn to. Her negative core belief that she is not lovable attracted her to people and situations and confirmed that thought.
She's realized that if we don't recognize the continuous cycle of negative thinking, we will continue to believe that our NCB's are true.
We have to realize that this is how the brain is working against us.
If we disconnect ourselves from the negative thinking and stop reinforcing a new habit from a previous negative thought for 3 days, we can change ourselves emotionally. New, positive connections can reshape you into a new form of being.
Put into daily practice, this can help us get out of long-term depression. However, if we reinforce the negative thoughts again, then we go back to our old way of thinking.
Learning to Forgive and Let Go
“Forgiveness isn't about the other person. It's about us. It's about letting go of the things that have happened because forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.” – Tony Robbins
It takes a tremendous effort to discover the root cause of our subconscious. Once we've discovered it, we need to focus on changing it through techniques on a regular basis. One method that Bonnie suggests is to practice forgiveness and retell your true story.
Not Your Fault, But Your Responsibility
The first stop on the process of healing the negative subconscious mind is to realize that things that have happened to you were not your fault and you were the victim.
The words that people have said to you or the actions they have done were not your fault. Therefore these experiences that have created NCB in your mind don't actually have any true meaning that validates the person that you are.
The things that have happened to you are not your fault and you became the victim. By giving that story power, your giving away your freedom.
Forgiveness takes time and strength, but it will be your gateway of letting go of any wrongdoing that has been done to you. Forgiving others will help you transform you story and rewrite it so that you feel empowered once again and find your true core.
Forgiveness is a practice and a choice that you have to do over and over to heal.
Unwilling to forgive will consume you and keep you stuck with all of your feelings of anger and resentment towards others and what has happened to you.
No one is gong to save you and you have to become your own hero.
About Bonnie Kelly
Bonnie Kelly is a certified life coach & personal development expert, located in the Sacramento & Placer county area. She has taught thousands of hours of personal growth and development coaching, productivity coaching and self-help classes to hundreds of people throughout the country.
In 2010, Bonnie took a dramatic change in her career, pursuing her passion of helping others. After graduating, she opened her own company, now known as Bonnie Kelly & Associates. With thousands of hours of personal & group coaching experience, Bonnie has gained the reputation as a Core Energy Coach, who helps you get to the ROOT of your blocks locked deep in your subconscious mind for permanent removal.
Resources From The Show
- Enter to WIN one of three free copies of Bonnie's new book, True To Your Core
- Bonnie Kelly's official website
- True to Your Core by Bonnie Kelly
- Connect with Bonnie on Facebook
- How does the human mind store data?
- BONNIE KELLY: HOW TO GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY-Episode 40
- GRETCHEN RUBIN: THE SECRET TO HABIT CHANGE– Episode 51
- Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin
- The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
What You'll Hear On The Show
- [1:50] Josh discusses today's show topics
- [3:25] Introduction to Bonnie
- [5:30] What's the story behind your book, True to Your Core?
- [8:20] Absorbing information when we're children and how that affects us
- [11:30] When our these “viruses”/negative thoughts installed in our brains?
- [15:00] Long term potentiation and depression: How does this connect with Negative Brain Bias?
- [20:10] The Conception Stage: What happens if we don't challenge negative events
- [23:00] Tell us about your background and experiences growing up?
- [28:30] How do we untangle everything?
- [36:20] When the negative programming happen to you as a child?
- [38:00] What happened when you were 8 years old with your family's friend?
- [41:00] What happened years later when you told your story and met with a lawyer?
- [44:00] What was going on through your parent's minds during that time to not take your side?
- [48:00] What was that moment like when your ex-boyfriend called you at the same time you were about to try to end your life?
- [56:00] How was your personal healing and transformation in your early 20s?
- [57:00] What was forgiveness for you? How did you begin to grow in your 20s?
- [1:03:50] How do you work with your inner child to heal yourself?
- [1:05:40] If I was my friend, what advice would I give to myself?
- [1:07:20] Retelling your story through a letter: Bonnie explains how
- [1:10:00] What's Your Victory Board?
- [1:13:00] Takeaways from today's show
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About The Author, Lauren Bryant, Podcast Production
Lauren Bryant is the Podcasting Assistant and Show Notes Writer for Wellness Force Radio. She has a BBA in both Marketing and Spanish for Business as well as certificates in Advanced Business Communications and International Business from the University of Wisconsin- Eau Claire.
Lauren’s wellness journey began at a young age when she joined her local YMCA swim team, The Wave, of La Crosse, WI. One of the most profound views on wellness that anyone has said to her was when she was an assistant swim coach for that same YMCA swim team.
One day during a practice, former head swim coach, Jon Brenner, shared with her that the most important thing about coaching the swimmers was that “It doesn’t matter if they become the best athletes in the world. What’s important is that we give them the tools and guidance they need to live a healthy, active lifestyle for the rest of their lives.”
Since hearing those words, she has taken it to heart to not only focus on continuously living her own healthy lifestyle, but to help others pursue their wellness goals as well.
Lauren is not only an avid swimmer, but a fan of running, yoga, cooking, and doing any activity outside that involves being surrounded by nature. In the Fall of 2014, she completed a long-awaited goal of walking the Camino de Santiago in Spain.
According to Lauren, wellness is about finding gratitude and joy in doing any type of physical or self-care activity that we love. Wellness means providing ourselves with self-love, good nutrition, and the inner peace that our individual minds and bodies need.